Gentilly Girl- a part of the 99%

May 17, 2008

Breast Sizes… (Silly Me, I Thought I Must Grow Them)

Filed under: Aside,Inter/Trans-Sexed — Tags: , — Morwen Madrigal @ 4:12 am

Our local TV station, WWL, has this series called “Wrinkle Free Friday”. Read it once long ago and just shrugged… this ain’t my cup of tea Darlin’s. Not going to open that link again.
Today I actually decided to read the feature again, and lo and behold, this is what came up.

I can’t take a side one way or the other on this topic. What is in our heart’s desires are our own… but for me it brought many things to fore that I had to deal with recently. So, with my rather bizarre penchant for telling almost anything to anyone, here goes.
Boys? You may leave the room now… (Okay… you can watch. Damn!)

You my Gentle Readers, know who and what I am, so I’ll pick the tale up from a few years ago. In August of ’04 (after 3 years as living as Morwen), my doctor gave me ‘scripts for hormones. It was time to make the next step in the Transformation of my life. By the time we bought our house and then were victims of the Federal Flood of New Orleans, not much had happened to my bustline (the mental state changes were fantastic!). Stress, no sleep, worry and only eating when I knew my system was tanking was preventing my body from developing along the lines it was made for. I had some growth, but it wasn’t in line with what many of my friends experienced. To say that I was upset would cover it if spread lightly.
I’d never desired augmentation. I see things as what shall be will be, until a year ago. Then I started thinking about doing the procedure in order to be somewhat normal for my age. To end what I saw as being “incomplete”. I wanted to jump from being a girl in early puberty to a state of that of a woman grown in a few hours. Call it taking a short-cut.

A few weeks ago I started to have second thoughts, doubting myself and the decision to utilize the short-cut. Then a very strange thing started: the closer we came to resolving the issue of our home, I started eating more. With that came a clearing in the way I saw my life. The “girls” started growing again. (still can’t sleep, but 3 out of 4 ain’t bad)

That’s when it hit me: if I took the short-cut, I’d be missing out on the wonder of growing up, maturing. The feelings that come as your body is changing in order to prepare for adulthood, the Future. To watch the process of life unfold within you, the wonder and joy that comes from experiencing the growth of a real life. Walking the Path to Becoming is something you cannot cheat upon, lest you lose the magic of it all.

I will no longer attempt to run down the Path to Becoming. This journey will be made step by step, facing things in their own time and place. ‘Tis complete folly to run and then pass the goal… winding up in a Wasteland from which I can never return. Life is too short to screw it up that way. Be patient, believe, trust and accept. That’s walking the Path of Life.
This crazy little tale is really about my breasts, but there is something much deeper to be found: my feet are back on the true Path again. Mind and heart had overwhelmed my Spirit for a time… the lesson has hit home: mind, heart and Spirit must always be in balance. To learn a thing you must grow within it, become it. Embrace the changes and flower as the Changes grow.
Only then does it really mean anything to you.

All of the above may sound like the wanderings of an adolescent, but I’m 51. Right now I’m the Maiden and the Crone at the same time (spent most of my life being the mom). That which I missed is being realized and Cronehood is coming to be. A life is moving towards fruition and wholeness.

Damn I love this trip!

Okay boys, ya’s can stop peeking through the curtains. 

“Greater than scene…is situation. Greater than situation is implication. Greater than all of these is a single, entire human being, who will never be confined in any frame” Eudora Welty

May 16, 2008

Same Genitals Marriage?

On Thursday morning the California State Supreme Court struck down current laws concerning same-sex marriage. Now the fuckmooks who are so very opposed to people not like them having equal rights are pledging to fight against the decisions of the Court. They desire a popular vote instead of the rule of law to determine who has what Rights. Fuck them…

Here is the ONLY proper definition of Individual Rights:

“Individual rights are not subject to a public vote; a majority has no right to vote away the rights of a minority; the political function of rights is precisely to protect minorities from oppression by majorities (and the smallest minority on earth is the individual).” Ayn Rand

Sounds strange for a Progressive Trans-Lesbian Feminist to quote Rand ‘eh? (She got some things right about Democracy) We all come into this incarnation as individuals. It is only later that many of us are assimulated into the Hive Mind of the Borg (and the Borg comes in many types of groupings). This basically amounts to the killing of our most precious gift in this life: our Being.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when all of us must work with others for many of the needs of living and culture. As Spock puts it in Star Trek III, “Sometimes the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”, but this does not mean ending the basic natures of the participants.

I’m a Gender-variant person, but that didn’t mean that Society couldn’t use my mind and abilities in working for the General Good. I’ve been an engineer, mechanic, teacher, cook and a decent person. I have sat with the dying in hospices and hospitals in order to salve their pains and fears. I have done what any upstanding member of a culture should do, but my right to my own Being is constantly under attack by the “Borg”. We are not beasts of burden or slaves to the prevailing societal mores. All of us have the right to be ourselves, just as Nature gave us, working together without having our lights being extinguished by bigotry and hypocrisy fueled by “mythologies” that cannot relate to Life in the 21st Century.

It doesn’t matter if one is Hetero or Homo or Trans… same goes for brown, black, white or purple folks. You can be short or tall, or have different eye colors… FUCK! this holds true even if one is a box turtle. All of us are who we are, and what we are not, and no power in the ‘Verse can take that away from even a single one of us. These are our birth-rights for being here at this point in time and space.

There is a meaning in each and everyone of our lives, whether it’s from God, the Goddess, the One or Nature. To DENY these things is tyranny and and a form of soul death. The “Borg” don’t really get this: they are destroying their own Souls by trying to recreate all folks into their “vision”. As always, we shall be judged by our works.

I’m going to close this out with a portion of the Wiccan Rede (my right-less partner and I have things to attend to for our lives):

“And do what you Will be the challenge, so be it Love that harms none.” Doreen Valiente

My name is Morwen, and I’m a Human Being. Are you?
“Greater than scene…is situation. Greater than situation is implication. Greater than all of these is a single, entire human being, who will never be confined in any frame” Eudora Welty

April 15, 2008

They Stole My Vagina, and How I Found It

Filed under: Inter/Trans-Sexed,Trans-Feminist,V-Day — Tags: , , — Morwen Madrigal @ 2:52 am

At the risk of getting screamed at and having the Polizi drag me to Gitmo in defense of their twisted fucking culture, here comes my homage to my vagina for V-Day.

I came into this world with a vagina. (And I came out of one too) It was part of my being, the plan… Nature. Bio-chemistry and genetics created a very different creature… one that contained all forms of Humanity. I was just a little collection of protoplasm who had a vagina. Had…

They took it away from me. That little part of my body that was mine by birthright, and they took it away. Why did this happen? Well, my being violated a bullshit Societal concept: I didn’t fit the Gender Polarity rules. I had to be “fixed” in order to preserve the status quo. I was a teratology (literally: a monster) that had to be exorcised. Having something resembling a penis and a vagina? Shocking.

So they sewed my vagina shut, and then proceeded to create an extension of my urethra to give me a viable penis. Didn’t matter if I was rendered sterile… I just had to look right and fulfill a role as the first-born male. Maybe I wanted to be a woman, but once again, I didn’t get to make that call.
No one asked me what I wanted to be. I was just a piece of meat to be molded for Society’s shit. Call it a form of Female Genital Mutilation. That little part of me that could allow the creation of new Life was gone. My part in the great Chain of Life was negated. I would never be able to feel myself, my special gift, again. So much Light and love left me.
I couldn’t find my vagina for decades. That which I knew was mine was invisible. I had been “raped” in the most horrible of ways: my “self” was taken away. In time this would prove how close to the edge I felt inside. Trying to live up to expectations brought me to many dangerous situations… all because I had to Be, but my vision was not what others saw. I was looking for my vagina.

After many years of research, I figured I was a Transsexual. Something went wrong hormonally in utero. I had one false start on correcting this, but later would take the plunge into Living. This though was only swapping one role in Life for another. My freakin’ life was nothing but a vast stage, an act, a sham. I was still looking for my vagina.

Look at it this way: I gave up family and friends in order to take this “other path”. That’s what the psyches told us years ago. We had to be created again. We were convinced to start living a lie. It was, supposedly, the only way to find ourselves. We had to kill our pasts. This is a terrible road to walk down… half of my tribe will not live past the age of thirty. It’s a lonely walk.

Been there and done it, but I still couldn’t find my vagina.

Since ’01 I have been living a life that is closer to what I am. I have been vocal about who I am and what I am not. Living a lie would not end the pain I have lived with for an entire life. My life has meaning, and I am that meaning even though I couldn’t find my vagina. To know thyself is everything. Actually, it’s the only important thing in Life. From that point all flows. It’s the epiphany that all of us must come to in our lives. It is the end game.

Even with the above thoughts I was still in turmoil. My vagina was missing and I had no way to create new life. My purpose in this life was stymied. I continued to mourn over my missing vagina. I was not complete, even though I have a wonderful life partner, many fantastic people in my life and own a house in my most beloved New Orleans. I have the American Dream, but something was still “not there”.

Three days after the Federal Flood of New Orleans, I found my vagina, my little friend that was always with me in spirit, but not visible to me. One of my aunts told me the truth: I came into this life as both, everything… I am all, and that was taken away because of Patriarchal fuckmooks and their putrid shit mores. My vagina is still between my thighs. It may be only marked by the scar of my mutilation, my violation, but it’s still there. My vagina talks to me, reminds me of what I’m supposed to be doing in this incarnation.

I can’t cry over the Past anymore. It’s water under the bridge, and I found my little friend and in doing so, I found my life. My life is finally real. There can be no other form of living.

I rub my little friend, my vagina from time to time. I feel her inside of me, right to the centre of my being. Life courses through my body as it was meant to do. The vibrations of these feelings touch every part of my soul. I have come full circle, and it freakin’ feels good.

And in closing this out, though I may not be able to physically give life now, I can do so in other ways. I am a friend, a confidant… the fighter from Hades. I am a “Mother”. Helping folks realize their selves is a form of birth, and I can do that.

But I couldn’t do that without my vagina.

During the writing of this PhDaisy turned me onto a quote from Eudora Welty that sums up so much of what I “feel”:

“Greater than scene…is situation. Greater than situation is implication. Greater than all of these is a single, entire human being, who will never be confined in any frame”

March 11, 2008

Let’s Send Sally Kern Back To the Dustbowl.

Here’s a petition urging the Oklahoma House to impeach Sally Kern for being many things, but just not Human.

A curtsey to Heather for the head’s up.

March 10, 2008

Ms Kern? We Are Coming!

Sally dearie? I have some equipment to show you showing how much we really don’t like Bigots such as yourself in Gov’mental positions:

Here comes the O.W.L. Force-

Commanded By Colonel Betty Ann Davis:

OwlBoat 1 skippered by our Commander Candice Nicole Carter; and

Majorette Morwen niAnne Madrigal’s ride.

Oklahomo here we come!

(BTW- The Church of Our Lady of Gentilly requests donations to help offset our fuel costs. Oil’s up to $107/bbl)

March 9, 2008

What Rock Did Sally Kern Crawl Out From Under?

From Oklahoma comes yet another fucking B/S screed maligning people of the Queer tribe. From Pam’s House Blend comes a good discussion of this homophobic bitch’s viewpoint on her constituants. (and the YouTube piece… )

(And now comes my cunning plan… )
So with this in mind the Church of Our Lady of Gentilly will now sponsor the Queer Consortium. The QC will be our infiltrative arm of the movement to totally subvert the Hyper-Conservative movement and the Religious Reich’s “Hit” Contract on America and Her peoples. The QC cannot allow domestic terrorists such as Sally Kern to destroy our Republic or the freedoms all Americans enjoy. Ridicule, rotten eggs and risque dress are our Three-Rs. There is no battleground on which we will not fight the amoebiac-minded creatures that wish to return our culture to the days of the Dark Ages.

Our ultimate goal is to move all of Humanity into the 21st Century C.E. from the enemy’s roots of the 10th Century B.C.E.. To help Humanity grow up and flower.
Please send your contributions for this noble venture care of my Blog. This will help us provide stylish uniforms, berets, dozens of rotten eggs and the appropriate leather/metal gear our warriors will require. (And of course, a dance track.) We also desire appropriate aircraft (hot-air balloons, helicopters and planes) with which to dump the proper amount of horse dung upon our enemies as the situation requires. (This may require several thousand horses and land to allow us to be properly vigilant and drop on schedule.)
If you value your lives, loves, fetishes and inebriants, please enlist for the Glorious War against the agents of Conservatism and Stone-Age living. Defend the Right of just being who you are and the Golden Rule. Aid us in ushering in the Age of Homo Futuris. (And have a damn good time in doing so.)

Welcome to the New World…

(The Church of Our Lady of Gentilly is a non-denominational Congregation devoted to all that Life can bring. Clothing is optional, but you must check your moralities at the door. Services are by invitation only. All Rights Reserved. In Goddess We Trust. Made in the USA. All Sales Are Final. Organically Grown.)

Update: The YouTube link is here… I’m finally placed something like this on my Blog. Color me shocked.

February 29, 2008

Finally, I’ve Heard What I’ve Been Waiting…

to hear.

From the Bilerico Project comes this letter from Sen. Obama on LGBT issues.

This is not the time to make comments outside of me saying that I am pleased by his statements. Doesn’t mean shit will actually happen, but at least Barack put it in print. (Like Hill could do something like this? Remember “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”?) Obama actually mentioned Trans folks and Gender Identity…. *Damn!* Is that a Log Cabin Repug falling apart?

Oh yes baby… that was better than sex.

February 13, 2008

Just Had to Share This…

and I think I should open a “special” kind of store *wink, wink*.

From the Village Voice:

A classic from the Pucker Up vaults
“It’s an open thread and let’s hear those reactions folks!”
I now crawl back into my lair.

November 29, 2007

Transsexual CAN Sue the Library of Congress

Filed under: Family Values,Inter/Trans-Sexed,LGBT,Trans-Feminist — Tags: , , , — Morwen Madrigal @ 7:04 pm

Back in the Summer of ’05, prior to the Federal Flooding of New Orleans, I was raging on the Trans E-Lists concerning the Library of Congress’ B/S treatment of Diane Schroer when it came to an offered, and accepted, job.

She sued.

The Library of Congress contended that she wasn’t protected under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, and a Federal judge just ruled that Schroer’s suit can go forward because the actions of the Library of Congress amounts to sex discrimination under Title VII. Once again Title VII covers Trans individuals by decree of the Courts.

When will people stop trying to hurt us?

The decision we have to make in our lives as Trans is to accept the bio-chem nature of our Reality and go with it. It can take years and a great amount of personal pain and personal loss. Often times we are destroyed because of all of the Societal poop that surrounds the perceptions of our lives.

This case is another that can equal the playing field for my brothers and sisters that are discriminated against each and every day. (Especially from that sub-Human group known as the Jezoids.)

November 16, 2007

2007 Trans Day Of Rememberance

Filed under: Inter/Trans-Sexed,LGBT,New Orleans — Tags: , , — Morwen Madrigal @ 4:01 pm

This Sunday, November 18th 6 PM.

We will meet at the LGCCNO (Decatur at Frenchmen) and then hold our candlelight march to the Statue of St. Joan for the reading of the names of our brothers and sisters killed during the year for living their lives.

Afterwards there will be refreshments and conversation at the community center.

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