Gentilly Girl- a part of the 99%

May 17, 2008

Breast Sizes… (Silly Me, I Thought I Must Grow Them)

Filed under: Aside,Inter/Trans-Sexed — Tags: , — Morwen Madrigal @ 4:12 am

Our local TV station, WWL, has this series called “Wrinkle Free Friday”. Read it once long ago and just shrugged… this ain’t my cup of tea Darlin’s. Not going to open that link again.
Today I actually decided to read the feature again, and lo and behold, this is what came up.

I can’t take a side one way or the other on this topic. What is in our heart’s desires are our own… but for me it brought many things to fore that I had to deal with recently. So, with my rather bizarre penchant for telling almost anything to anyone, here goes.
Boys? You may leave the room now… (Okay… you can watch. Damn!)

You my Gentle Readers, know who and what I am, so I’ll pick the tale up from a few years ago. In August of ’04 (after 3 years as living as Morwen), my doctor gave me ‘scripts for hormones. It was time to make the next step in the Transformation of my life. By the time we bought our house and then were victims of the Federal Flood of New Orleans, not much had happened to my bustline (the mental state changes were fantastic!). Stress, no sleep, worry and only eating when I knew my system was tanking was preventing my body from developing along the lines it was made for. I had some growth, but it wasn’t in line with what many of my friends experienced. To say that I was upset would cover it if spread lightly.
I’d never desired augmentation. I see things as what shall be will be, until a year ago. Then I started thinking about doing the procedure in order to be somewhat normal for my age. To end what I saw as being “incomplete”. I wanted to jump from being a girl in early puberty to a state of that of a woman grown in a few hours. Call it taking a short-cut.

A few weeks ago I started to have second thoughts, doubting myself and the decision to utilize the short-cut. Then a very strange thing started: the closer we came to resolving the issue of our home, I started eating more. With that came a clearing in the way I saw my life. The “girls” started growing again. (still can’t sleep, but 3 out of 4 ain’t bad)

That’s when it hit me: if I took the short-cut, I’d be missing out on the wonder of growing up, maturing. The feelings that come as your body is changing in order to prepare for adulthood, the Future. To watch the process of life unfold within you, the wonder and joy that comes from experiencing the growth of a real life. Walking the Path to Becoming is something you cannot cheat upon, lest you lose the magic of it all.

I will no longer attempt to run down the Path to Becoming. This journey will be made step by step, facing things in their own time and place. ‘Tis complete folly to run and then pass the goal… winding up in a Wasteland from which I can never return. Life is too short to screw it up that way. Be patient, believe, trust and accept. That’s walking the Path of Life.
This crazy little tale is really about my breasts, but there is something much deeper to be found: my feet are back on the true Path again. Mind and heart had overwhelmed my Spirit for a time… the lesson has hit home: mind, heart and Spirit must always be in balance. To learn a thing you must grow within it, become it. Embrace the changes and flower as the Changes grow.
Only then does it really mean anything to you.

All of the above may sound like the wanderings of an adolescent, but I’m 51. Right now I’m the Maiden and the Crone at the same time (spent most of my life being the mom). That which I missed is being realized and Cronehood is coming to be. A life is moving towards fruition and wholeness.

Damn I love this trip!

Okay boys, ya’s can stop peeking through the curtains. 

“Greater than scene…is situation. Greater than situation is implication. Greater than all of these is a single, entire human being, who will never be confined in any frame” Eudora Welty

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